An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
