oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
