Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
