Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
