If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
its liver damage thursday
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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