Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize