I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
