hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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