Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
