and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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