I want to stick my p in your. b.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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