A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
