i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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