why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
