i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
