If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
false alarm, still single
Randomize