I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
