he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
