Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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