I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
