he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
