i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Rumble strips road head = magical
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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