Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
