Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
