You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
