erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
