Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize