We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
