i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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