Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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