I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
