Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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