he puts the penis in happiness.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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