i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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