new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
