You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
