i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
