i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
