New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
