i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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