His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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