We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
