i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize