if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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