Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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