It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have tasted many bathrooms
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
