jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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