Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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