at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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