I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
