I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
