Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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