I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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