i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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