My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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