It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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