Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
