I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
