we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
