Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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