I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
