mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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