My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize