he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
