I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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