i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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