Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
