I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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