we made out on top of his cat.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
