I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Drake has all the answers
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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