I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
