Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
