Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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