i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
