I didn't shave. On purpose
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
