opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
