You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
