So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
