New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
