Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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