ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
