U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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