I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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