Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
