Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
