If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
In America we eat man semen.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
