Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
