So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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