I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
