lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
