It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
