How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize