People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
