i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
