we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
