hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize