We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize