Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
