Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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