Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
