I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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