I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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