i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize