So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
