five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize