so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
