You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
