I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
