Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I know her cup size but not her name....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
