thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
